A broken bone -- and surrender

 "The only thing sweeter than dying by your hands is dying in your hands. How lucky I am, that I am in your hands while I breathe my last"..... As a frog, I may not foresee or avoid a mighty blow landing on my back and breaking my bones, but it will not break my spirit, my faith, or my surrender.  

- From Swamiji's blog - A word on Surrender. 

Beautiful guru-disciple relationships are built on the bedrock of the single-most quality - the ability to surrender. The unquestionable sense of abandon, like Hanuman felt for Lord Ram. I had to understand more...

Surrender has not been a big part of my experience..so far. For me, fighting came easier, always. I did not come from a family that invoked surrender through prayer or other practices. And then, the need to fend for myself too early in life as a motherless child did not allow much room for me to witness, experience, or practice surrender.  Instead, I built walls to protect my fragile self. I learned revolt and suspicion. 

I was able to comprehend devotion, but only when tempered with reason, logic, and restraint. While I admired and sang devotional poetry, seeing devotees in acts of devotion often looked like theatrical overindulgence. 

I had followed Swamiji long enough through his work to recognize the divinity in him. But when I was allowed to journey into a guru-disciple relationship, it brought along something unanticipated. It was more than devotion, more than admiration, more than reverence...what I experienced within me was a sense of joyful abandon - like an autumn leaf freewheeling in the wind.. like a child tossed up in the air gleefully, knowing that the father will catch them as they come down.

I recognized that what was being planted inside me were seeds of pure Surrender! 

It feels liberating.  It is a feeling akin to finally being able to put down your luggage after carrying it from one railway platform to another, lugging it up and down stairs. And despite its newness, there is a sense of recognition. Like it has been inside me waiting to be discovered, like a lost piece of jewelry that is lying in the corner of a drawer. 

Part of me just wants to revel in it, not trying to decipher it. I fear I might dilute it by overthinking it or by validating it with reason and logic. However, there is a calling to delve deeper into the profoundness and potency of this unshackled, blissful emotion. 

Each post linked below, each spoken word, is a wellspring of wisdom that I am sure I will be revisiting again and again. I bow before Swamiji for guiding me to this juncture and for the insights I am poised to gain from his words. I am tearful with gratitude, rejoicing that life has given me the gift of experiencing surrender spontaneously, instead of trying hard to cultivate it after learning about it. 

A word on surrender

A Story of Faith

Surrendering to a Guru

Meaning of Surrender

Video links : 

What is true Surrender?

What does true surrender mean?

Bhakti mein Samarpan

How to surrender

How to be happy - Surrender

On a lighter note -

As I am tending to my broken metatarsal bone, it was thrilling to find that Swamiji's newest blog post and the blogs (first two in the list) that came up during a search for today's topic both popped up with a mention of broken bones! In principle, what I have written above has nothing to do with my broken bone, but as silly as it may feel, I like to think that the universe leaves these breadcrumbs for you, and like Hansel and Gretel, you follow their trail and make your way home!!